We will not fear

Good morning! This entry has been bobbling around in my head for about a week. It's a treat to me to sit down and write, so when I do, I feel like I am indulging.--Thanks again, YouTube videos of someone else playing with toys my son likes.--I've been trying to decide what idea to focus on. I think the one that speaks the most truth and provides the most encouragement is a reflection and a looking forward. 

A year ago, we were in the hospital after Chad's third double-lung transplant. Side note, when I first met Chad, I would refer to his "lung transplant," and he would always correct me, with a smile, and under his breath say, "double-lung." I thought it was cute, but now I see that he has rightfully earned that differentiation. Throughout our journey we have been very hopeful and very helpless, many times simultaneously. At this time last year, we were dealing with a multitude of issues, but always looking forward with hope to the deep, fresh breaths that were on the horizon. He has gotten there, breathed full and comfortably. But, we have also hit some bumps in the road. We are currently in a bump and would appreciate all of your prayers. While he has been doing photopheresis for what is looking like chronic rejection, he also received a Campath shot and we have seen some improvement. Whew! But, he has hit another snag--the common cold is everywhere. Thank you for praying. 

As I was reading this morning, I was reminded that we can choose to ride the roller-coaster of ups and downs or we can have the faith to say, "It's yours, God." I have often mentioned this theme because it's an everyday choice and it's important to be diligent. It's to remind me that I don't have to, and should not try to carry it all. 

I had all the time to write this entry yesterday, but I had a very heavy heart. I couldn't let go of the emotions that come with life's circumstances. I received some very hard news about a close friend and that, coupled with what's going on with Chad and then some other trivial issues, I felt like things were just piling on top of each other and I couldn't climb out of it. Thank you, God for the strength You give and the new mercies you provide every morning. 

I'm back in Psalms. Funny, I am just now realizing that this is where I was reading this time last year because I knew it was a place where I could focus on God's love for us. I happen to be reading it now because that was the next book in my progress through the Bible. I came to Psalm 46 and read:

"God is our refuge and strength, 

a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear though the 

earth gives way,

though the mountains be moved into 

the heart of the sea, 

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble at its

swelling." Psalm 46:1-3 (emphasis mine)

It's like God was talking directly to me, reminding me that He is here, walking through this. Going before us. My daily circumstances cannot compare to the mountains giving way or trembling. Can you imagine that for a minute? Stand on the seashore and realize that God is so powerful. The ocean roars and foams all day every day, but He is still more powerful than that. And He is reminding us not to fear. He is talking to each of us personally through His word. Do not fear. But, God, look around. All we can see is illness, evil, destruction. He knows and He is with us. 

Looking forward, we never know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that today brings mercy. That Chad's lung function has increased unbelievably, miraculously. I pray that he breaths deep breaths and feels amazing. It's good to look forward, but there is beauty and rest in living in this moment too. I believe this is how we came this far in our journey, sanity somewhat in tact. Living each day and taking the challenges and blessings that come with that day.