I told you when we got started that this is my blog and I was going to say what I wanted, take it or leave it. If you stick around, my prayer is that my journey encourages you too. God takes us through trials to refine us and we shouldn't keep our joys or our sufferings to ourselves.
Chad was with us yesterday. He was breathing, heart pumping blood, resting, and listening to us. But, he wasn't really here. Chad, as he wanted to be, started to drift away weeks ago. On Thursday, it became clear that he had an infection in his lungs. He still fought so hard. We fought for IV antibiotics and clung to the hope of a miracle. We've been asking, pleading, for years for Chad to have a fully restored body here on earth with his family.
Yesterday evening, Chad let go of the fight. Our Father took him into heaven with a chorus of angels and Jesus Himself singing over him. His body fully restored. Of course, we are left here with a deep, dark chasm. We don't even know how deep the grieving goes because most of us are still in shock. I am sharing because I know that many of you loved Chad and it helps to grieve with those who grieve.
What an amazing bunch of family and friends we have. We had many people close to Chad who came to the hospice house just to cry with us. That's love. Some came in, barely said a word, and just wept while we were weeping. I can't express to you how amazing that was. I will never forget these past few days. The room was sacred, solemn, and sprinkled with moments of laughter while we remembered Chad. He was peaceful and surrounded with love. Remembering what that was like provides me with comfort.
I thought coming home was going to be the hardest next step. God's grace is amazing. As I came home, I was surrounded with things that reminded me of Chad's struggle in the last few weeks, and what I never wanted to realize is that it has been happening for months. He was so strong for his family that we didn't fully realize how much he was struggling. Or we could easily turn a blind eye because he covered it so well. I didn't have the feeling that I wanted to go back to before he left for the Hospice House because he was so unwell. I want him here, but I want him here fully healthy and strong. And that's what he wanted too.
Yes, Chad fought his entire life. We know that. But, we were given so much love, adventure, laughter, companionship. I told him the day that we married that I would take one day, one year, 50 years, however long God gave us. Knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again. I want more time. I want to celebrate our 7 year anniversary with him in a month, our 10 years, our 30 years. I want to run through the streets screaming about how unfair this is. I want to collapse on the floor into and never get up.
But, I trust God more than anything else. God can do whatever He will with my life. I have completely surrendered to Him several times and did again yesterday. He is completely good and loving. What else is there? If I don't have God, then I am left with what I can see, touch, taste on this earth. What is that? Maybe a few good times, but mostly overwhelming darkness, sorrow, and evil.
My prayer is that if you are grieving, that you have someone to grieve with and you are open about it. I ask that you share your stories about Chad. His life is so important and he has impacted so many people that I know about and then many more on top of that. His work on this earth is done, and he is leaving so many waves in his wake.
Chad was with us yesterday. He was breathing, heart pumping blood, resting, and listening to us. But, he wasn't really here. Chad, as he wanted to be, started to drift away weeks ago. On Thursday, it became clear that he had an infection in his lungs. He still fought so hard. We fought for IV antibiotics and clung to the hope of a miracle. We've been asking, pleading, for years for Chad to have a fully restored body here on earth with his family.
Yesterday evening, Chad let go of the fight. Our Father took him into heaven with a chorus of angels and Jesus Himself singing over him. His body fully restored. Of course, we are left here with a deep, dark chasm. We don't even know how deep the grieving goes because most of us are still in shock. I am sharing because I know that many of you loved Chad and it helps to grieve with those who grieve.
What an amazing bunch of family and friends we have. We had many people close to Chad who came to the hospice house just to cry with us. That's love. Some came in, barely said a word, and just wept while we were weeping. I can't express to you how amazing that was. I will never forget these past few days. The room was sacred, solemn, and sprinkled with moments of laughter while we remembered Chad. He was peaceful and surrounded with love. Remembering what that was like provides me with comfort.
I thought coming home was going to be the hardest next step. God's grace is amazing. As I came home, I was surrounded with things that reminded me of Chad's struggle in the last few weeks, and what I never wanted to realize is that it has been happening for months. He was so strong for his family that we didn't fully realize how much he was struggling. Or we could easily turn a blind eye because he covered it so well. I didn't have the feeling that I wanted to go back to before he left for the Hospice House because he was so unwell. I want him here, but I want him here fully healthy and strong. And that's what he wanted too.
Yes, Chad fought his entire life. We know that. But, we were given so much love, adventure, laughter, companionship. I told him the day that we married that I would take one day, one year, 50 years, however long God gave us. Knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again. I want more time. I want to celebrate our 7 year anniversary with him in a month, our 10 years, our 30 years. I want to run through the streets screaming about how unfair this is. I want to collapse on the floor into and never get up.
But, I trust God more than anything else. God can do whatever He will with my life. I have completely surrendered to Him several times and did again yesterday. He is completely good and loving. What else is there? If I don't have God, then I am left with what I can see, touch, taste on this earth. What is that? Maybe a few good times, but mostly overwhelming darkness, sorrow, and evil.
My prayer is that if you are grieving, that you have someone to grieve with and you are open about it. I ask that you share your stories about Chad. His life is so important and he has impacted so many people that I know about and then many more on top of that. His work on this earth is done, and he is leaving so many waves in his wake.
Lauren - I am so sorry to hear about Chad. You and your little ones are in my prayers. When my son passed away, some one gave me a magnet that says:
ReplyDeleteThe Impact of One Life
When a stone is dropped into a lake, it quickly disappears from sight but it's impact leaves behind a series of ripples that broaden and reach across the water.
In the same way, the impact of one life lived for Christ will leave behind an influence for good that will reach the lives of many others.
Chad has definitely left an impact on many lives. I pray that you will find peace and are surrounded by those you love!
Lauren, I just found out about Chad. I’m so very sorry for your loss! I pray for you and your children. I pray that Chad’s relief from suffering has come and he is now in God’s arms. God and Chad are watching over you. If there is anything (and I do mean anything) I can do or if there is anything you need, Lauren and I (Karen Nuckols) are here for you.
ReplyDeleteLauren, I worked with Chad at UNOS. I am bawling. He was such a light in the darkness, such joy in the midst of despair. I have a deep and abiding respect for him and I would gladly run through the streets with you screaming to the world that this isn't fair. It isn't right.
ReplyDeleteChad ALWAYS had an easy smile, a kind word, and could always make me laugh. My thoughts are with you, your children and your entire family.
We are so saddened over Chad’s passing. Although we didn’t know him very long, we realized that to know him was to love him. Loved his corny humor, brightly colored clothes (at times) and caring smile. Your testimonies of God’s Grace and mercy poured out on your family during the physical struggles have touched our hearts. May God’s presence and loving strength carry you through these difficult days!
ReplyDeleteLauren, Lifting you and the boys and Chad's parents and all of his dear family and friends in prayer, for comfort, and peace. Our God will meet your every need, and more! May you find comfort in this time of deepest loss!
ReplyDeleteChad was a close friend of my sister Amanda’s in high school, ao he spent much time with us and vise versa. We visited him in the hospital when he had treatments. I was quite the gullable type when I was younger, he tried to make me believe that he had a twin brother named Kieth Studley!!! I always knew better, haha!!!
ReplyDeleteI an glad he is no linger in pain, but am very saddened for his loss. Lauren, the boys and Chad’s family will always be in my thoughts and prayers!! ��
A true sweetheart and genuine person. He was smart, charming and he had a great sense of humor. I always saw him with a smile on his face. Rest Easy Chad!
ReplyDeleteMy condolences to his wife, children and family.
Chad and I first met in high school. I was new to the school, and Chad was one of the first people who was really kind to me. We even went to senior prom together, and I remember having so much fun with him!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I spent time rolling through the experiences I am blessed to have had with Chad. Great Halloween parties, New Year’s Eve celebrations, weddings… But, my favorite memory of Chad comes from a pretty simple night and is one that I know you, Lauren, will remember. It was down at the Shurm’s river house, on a beautiful night with a clear full moon, doing some late night swimming. I remember us laughing, and laughing, and laughing some more! Laughter was so easy to do around Chad! He was the kind of person who you just immediately felt comfortable around; someone you knew you could let down your guard with and be the silliest version of yourself!
You and he both remain a testament of God’s love and strength. You have BOTH inspired my soul and made me reflect on and push myself in my faith. Thank you for that. Lauren, you are amazing and your life has been blessed and will continue to be blessed! “GOD is within her, she will not fall.” -Psalm 46:5
Love, Jamie
Thinking and praying for you Lauren and family! I am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI taught with Chad for only a year but he was always a bright light in a sometimes very dark place filled with stress. His sense of humor always made me smile. We were not close nor do I think I would have been rememberef by him if you had asked, but he made an eternal impression on me.
ReplyDeleteChad changed my life. And I haven’t seen or talked to chad in years. We were childhood friends for a few short years. We played baseball together, went on bike rides and even took a beach trip together once. I remember the first night I spent at his house. We had so much fun. I was a little confused when the machines came out for his night therapy, but the laughs continued in the video game room shortly after. I don’t really know why we lost touch, he was such a great friend. He was a great person. So full of joy and kindness seemingly extinct in today’s world. I wish we hadn’t drifted apart so I could have know him better. I’d certainly be a better man with a guy like him around! Let us all find inspiration in his story. Let us all be better. I spend a lot of time worrying, stressing, over analysing, regretting, wishing... that stops now. The way chad lived his life despite the set backs makes me almost ashamed of who I am. Rather, who I was. I have found new strength in his strength, A positive future in memories of his past. What a great man, a great motivator. The heavens are in good company now. I’m gratefully for the time I spent with chad, and praise God for every minute. Let our faith be as strong as his. Let our fight be half of what his was. What an amazing person. Can’t wait to See ya at the gates, buddy. Maybe we can toss the ball aroubd and catch up. Blessings to your family. Thanks for who you are.
ReplyDeleteLauren and Chad's family, please know that we will continue to keep you in prayer. I worked with Chad at UNOS and he always brought a smile to my face. His fantastic sense of style (not many guys will wear brightly colored pants), his sarcastic wit, his compassion and his prophetic love of Jesus Christ. Chad was one of the only folks at UNOS who could easily "cross the lines" of IT, Policy, Quality, Education, etc. and he was well respected by all who knew him. Chad taught me to live life to the fullest, to wear the bright-colored pants and to share the love of Him freely with others.
ReplyDeleteHis work here on earth is not done....he continues to touch those who knew him and inspire those he touched with his heart.......
ReplyDelete