"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'therefore I will hope in Him.'"
Lamentations 3:22-24
God has been faithful to us. We are finally listed! Chad is on the list for his third double-lung transplant as of 3:30 on October 28. I am filled with so many emotions. I have been playing this circumstance in my head every day since they approved him for listing, knowing it was coming. I am, of course, happy, optimistic, relieved. This listing means that we have hope.
This blog is about to get real with emotions.
Truthfully, I never lost hope. I have known that God stands for healing, health, wellness. I have known that it is not His will to take a father from his family. But, I also know that in this world, we will have trouble.
I don't know if you have ever been through a similar journey, but I spent a lot of time trying to will God into healing Chad supernaturally. I prayed hard and focused so much energy on Chad's healing, watching the decline in his health, and wondering what I was doing wrong. Was my faith not strong enough? Was I not praying the right way? Finally, mercifully, God spoke to my heart. He assured me that I could not control Him. He has walked with me everyday, telling me that He has our family in His hands, and His plan is perfect. He reminds me that He loves me, Chad, Lincoln, the new baby, and that He is in control.
He has not promised me that everything will be perfect. I continue to pray that Chad will be here to be father, grandfather, I am even bold enough to pray for Chad to be a great-grandfather, knowing that my God can do this. But, we don't know for sure what tomorrow holds. I used to see this as doubt, but now I know it as trusting. No matter what comes, God will be there to walk us through it. There is a great freedom in this.
Have you ever been fully broken of your own will? It's amazing. As I drove home from Durham two weeks ago, I realized I have nothing to rely on but God. Because of this circumstance, I am completely hopeless, except in Him. He is everything. What a great release this was to me. My heart became full of gratitude for Him bringing me to this point, breaking me to the point where I knew all I have is Him. Never in my life have I lost complete control and had nothing else in which to hope. He told me that He will walk through this with us, and He continues to be faithful.
God has known our everyday since the beginning of time. That's true for everyone on this earth. I take great comfort in this. Nothing is a surprise to Him, He is in control, and He loves us more than we can understand.
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16
Where are you holding on too tightly? Have you taken this to God?
His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul,
'therefore I will hope in Him.'"
Lamentations 3:22-24
God has been faithful to us. We are finally listed! Chad is on the list for his third double-lung transplant as of 3:30 on October 28. I am filled with so many emotions. I have been playing this circumstance in my head every day since they approved him for listing, knowing it was coming. I am, of course, happy, optimistic, relieved. This listing means that we have hope.
This blog is about to get real with emotions.
Truthfully, I never lost hope. I have known that God stands for healing, health, wellness. I have known that it is not His will to take a father from his family. But, I also know that in this world, we will have trouble.
I don't know if you have ever been through a similar journey, but I spent a lot of time trying to will God into healing Chad supernaturally. I prayed hard and focused so much energy on Chad's healing, watching the decline in his health, and wondering what I was doing wrong. Was my faith not strong enough? Was I not praying the right way? Finally, mercifully, God spoke to my heart. He assured me that I could not control Him. He has walked with me everyday, telling me that He has our family in His hands, and His plan is perfect. He reminds me that He loves me, Chad, Lincoln, the new baby, and that He is in control.
He has not promised me that everything will be perfect. I continue to pray that Chad will be here to be father, grandfather, I am even bold enough to pray for Chad to be a great-grandfather, knowing that my God can do this. But, we don't know for sure what tomorrow holds. I used to see this as doubt, but now I know it as trusting. No matter what comes, God will be there to walk us through it. There is a great freedom in this.
Have you ever been fully broken of your own will? It's amazing. As I drove home from Durham two weeks ago, I realized I have nothing to rely on but God. Because of this circumstance, I am completely hopeless, except in Him. He is everything. What a great release this was to me. My heart became full of gratitude for Him bringing me to this point, breaking me to the point where I knew all I have is Him. Never in my life have I lost complete control and had nothing else in which to hope. He told me that He will walk through this with us, and He continues to be faithful.
God has known our everyday since the beginning of time. That's true for everyone on this earth. I take great comfort in this. Nothing is a surprise to Him, He is in control, and He loves us more than we can understand.
"Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them."
Psalm 139:16
Where are you holding on too tightly? Have you taken this to God?
Love reading your entries. Thank you fot being so raw with your words, thoughts, and emotions. You've given me a lot to think about and be thankful for! xoxo
ReplyDeleteLove reading your entries. Thank you fot being so raw with your words, thoughts, and emotions. You've given me a lot to think about and be thankful for! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life and your heart, and your faith with us! Each of you are in my prayers for Chad's successful surgery and your safe delivery!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life and your heart, and your faith with us! Each of you are in my prayers for Chad's successful surgery and your safe delivery!!
ReplyDeleteI can say that I know what you are going through. It is not an easy road, but you have done it before and God pulled you both through it and he can do it again! We are praying for all of you. Julia Heatwole
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your comments. I love hearing about what you're taking away from my posts. Thanks also for showing so much love and for your prayers.
ReplyDelete