My brain is all mush and we haven't really slept, but I wanted to get something down in the moment. Late last afternoon, Chad finally got the call we had all been waiting for. New lungs. They looked good and they matched his very specific needs. It was truly a gift from God, and on Thanksgiving Day! Kind of "on the nose," right? But, I'm not going to complain about that. If that's God's sense of humor at this time, then I'm all for it.
We went directly to the ER--little man too, Kindle packed and ready. Linc did great! He watched youtube videos about firetrucks and colors. He listened to and sang fun songs while he ate chicken fingers and french fries (super healthy is not a huge concern in this moment). It was a very good moment for us as a family (Chad, Linc, me, Pat, and Stu) while we waited to hear if the lungs were good enough to be transplanted.
It seemed like forever. Several hours we were in the small hospital room. We all stayed very optimistic. We knew that these were the lungs for Chad. Duke does not settle and this call came so much sooner than we were expecting, on Thanksgiving Day no less! What I found to be extremely powerful is that we got the call just after so many prayed with their families around the table. We know that we have a huge support system and we are so thankful for that. So many prayers went up and it was God's time to demonstrate His glory.
Please don't misunderstand. I cannot celebrate the fact that someone had to die for these lungs to become available. I have wrestled with this in my own mind. But, I always come to this: the person was going to die. People are dying all the time. Any of us could go at any time, and what we are celebrating is the fact that those loving people chose to give another person the chance at life. They decided to make their tragedy someone else's miracle. What does that tell you about humans? We have a great capacity to love. Talk about God's glory. That can be found in the way that we love each other. These people saw beyond selfishness and grief and gave up the physical body of their loved one for others. Many lives can be saved through one person deciding to donate. Needless to say, we feel so much gratitude for this decision.
The surgery went very well. Much better than anyone thought. These surgeons are amazing. None of them had done a third double-lung transplant and, honestly, they were chomping at the bit to be involved. They had two main surgeons operating and one of them wasn't even on call that night. Remember, it's Thanksgiving and, in spite of that, he requested to come in and be the surgeon involved. There were no surprises or added complications. It all happened very quickly. Operating started at midnight and he was done by 6am. Incredible! We prayed that God's hands be the hands doing the operation and He showed up big time!
As Friday morning comes, everything seems fine. We go home to shower and get ourselves together. We come back and Chad is putting out more blood than they would like to see. He needed significant amounts of blood throughout the day. (Side note: I have never donated blood before, but definitely plan to now!) They finally decided to take him down to the OR for exploratory surgery to see where the blood was coming from. It's incredible that they can see anything in there with all the blood, but they found a small vessel that was bleeding and fixed it right up. He's doing so much better now and is truly on the road to recovery.
Today is actually Saturday morning. I decided to sleep last night and come back to this post today. The plan for today is to do another pheresis session. When tested, the lungs were negative for the antibodies--pretty amazing considering there was only about a 20% donor pool available for him--but they want to sweep his blood as a precaution. They will do a few more sessions of pheresis just to be as careful as possible. Today they will also give him an epidural to manage pain and they will extubate. Our goal is to have him awake and chatting with us by evening. I can't wait, but I know there are blessings in these quiet moments too. He's going to have us very busy, I'm sure.
Through this journey, as you know, we have relied on God. This has been our only option. I am very weak and can easily let negative thoughts or worst-case scenarios slip into my mind. I have allowed my mind to travel to some very dark places and I always have to come back and cling to God: remind myself that He is in control and remind myself of His love for us. You have seen that in my posts, I'm sure. There's no other option because I am not strong enough to just will myself into a positive headspace. These negative thoughts attack to bring us away from God: worry, anxiety, doubt, all of that says that God isn't big enough or strong enough. And I've come to a new place with my faith that I didn't know I was heading towards: complete submission. This step has been the hardest part, but also the most relief has come from it. I came to realize, while I have been praying and reading and talking to God that sometimes He doesn't do what we want Him to do, but that's always for our best. Whatever He decides is for our best. Faithful doesn't mean that you believe that God will do whatever it is you ask, but that you trust that He will do what is best for you even if it isn't the most comfortable. A great example is found in Daniel 3:17-18 when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego are refusing to kneel before Nebuchadnezzar and he tells them that he will throw them into the furnace:
"our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.[d] 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up" (I added the bold letters for emphasis.)
So much is communicated in that "But if not." They remain faithful even if God does not do what they want. They were thrown into the fire--how terrifying--it seems at first that God has not delivered them, but they were not burned! God is amazing and God has shown us His miraculous glory and love through this transplant for Chad. We don't stop believing when things get hard. We just cling tighter and gain strength from Him. God is so awesome, powerful, and loving.
We went directly to the ER--little man too, Kindle packed and ready. Linc did great! He watched youtube videos about firetrucks and colors. He listened to and sang fun songs while he ate chicken fingers and french fries (super healthy is not a huge concern in this moment). It was a very good moment for us as a family (Chad, Linc, me, Pat, and Stu) while we waited to hear if the lungs were good enough to be transplanted.
It seemed like forever. Several hours we were in the small hospital room. We all stayed very optimistic. We knew that these were the lungs for Chad. Duke does not settle and this call came so much sooner than we were expecting, on Thanksgiving Day no less! What I found to be extremely powerful is that we got the call just after so many prayed with their families around the table. We know that we have a huge support system and we are so thankful for that. So many prayers went up and it was God's time to demonstrate His glory.
Please don't misunderstand. I cannot celebrate the fact that someone had to die for these lungs to become available. I have wrestled with this in my own mind. But, I always come to this: the person was going to die. People are dying all the time. Any of us could go at any time, and what we are celebrating is the fact that those loving people chose to give another person the chance at life. They decided to make their tragedy someone else's miracle. What does that tell you about humans? We have a great capacity to love. Talk about God's glory. That can be found in the way that we love each other. These people saw beyond selfishness and grief and gave up the physical body of their loved one for others. Many lives can be saved through one person deciding to donate. Needless to say, we feel so much gratitude for this decision.
The surgery went very well. Much better than anyone thought. These surgeons are amazing. None of them had done a third double-lung transplant and, honestly, they were chomping at the bit to be involved. They had two main surgeons operating and one of them wasn't even on call that night. Remember, it's Thanksgiving and, in spite of that, he requested to come in and be the surgeon involved. There were no surprises or added complications. It all happened very quickly. Operating started at midnight and he was done by 6am. Incredible! We prayed that God's hands be the hands doing the operation and He showed up big time!
As Friday morning comes, everything seems fine. We go home to shower and get ourselves together. We come back and Chad is putting out more blood than they would like to see. He needed significant amounts of blood throughout the day. (Side note: I have never donated blood before, but definitely plan to now!) They finally decided to take him down to the OR for exploratory surgery to see where the blood was coming from. It's incredible that they can see anything in there with all the blood, but they found a small vessel that was bleeding and fixed it right up. He's doing so much better now and is truly on the road to recovery.
Today is actually Saturday morning. I decided to sleep last night and come back to this post today. The plan for today is to do another pheresis session. When tested, the lungs were negative for the antibodies--pretty amazing considering there was only about a 20% donor pool available for him--but they want to sweep his blood as a precaution. They will do a few more sessions of pheresis just to be as careful as possible. Today they will also give him an epidural to manage pain and they will extubate. Our goal is to have him awake and chatting with us by evening. I can't wait, but I know there are blessings in these quiet moments too. He's going to have us very busy, I'm sure.
Through this journey, as you know, we have relied on God. This has been our only option. I am very weak and can easily let negative thoughts or worst-case scenarios slip into my mind. I have allowed my mind to travel to some very dark places and I always have to come back and cling to God: remind myself that He is in control and remind myself of His love for us. You have seen that in my posts, I'm sure. There's no other option because I am not strong enough to just will myself into a positive headspace. These negative thoughts attack to bring us away from God: worry, anxiety, doubt, all of that says that God isn't big enough or strong enough. And I've come to a new place with my faith that I didn't know I was heading towards: complete submission. This step has been the hardest part, but also the most relief has come from it. I came to realize, while I have been praying and reading and talking to God that sometimes He doesn't do what we want Him to do, but that's always for our best. Whatever He decides is for our best. Faithful doesn't mean that you believe that God will do whatever it is you ask, but that you trust that He will do what is best for you even if it isn't the most comfortable. A great example is found in Daniel 3:17-18 when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendego are refusing to kneel before Nebuchadnezzar and he tells them that he will throw them into the furnace:
"our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.[d] 18 But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up" (I added the bold letters for emphasis.)
So much is communicated in that "But if not." They remain faithful even if God does not do what they want. They were thrown into the fire--how terrifying--it seems at first that God has not delivered them, but they were not burned! God is amazing and God has shown us His miraculous glory and love through this transplant for Chad. We don't stop believing when things get hard. We just cling tighter and gain strength from Him. God is so awesome, powerful, and loving.
Wow, Lauren, thanks for sharing this update about Chad and how God is working through you both. After seeing Chad's last post about "the call" on Thursday and then nothing for two days, we started getting worried. Praise God that Chad has new lungs, for the expertise of the doctors at Duke, and for the generosity of the donor family. We'll continue to pray for Chad's full recovery. Embracing the "but if not" verse in Daniel is vital for a spiritually and theologically healthy understanding of how faith "works." We're so glad to hear that "but if not" does not apply for you and Chad at this Thanksgiving. Lord willing, God will continue to work through Chad as a father, husband, and survivor. Here for you if we can help in any way.
ReplyDeleteDarren & Nancy
Again, thank you for your words of faith, times of difficulty and total honesty!! I am so thankful that Chad is on the road to recovery, but you have voiced a truth that God is totally in control, and strong enough for us to lean on, but that He does not always do what we imagine is best. Sometimes that is only realized in hindsight. Our job is to continue to trust Him, as little children!! Each of you remain in my prayers daily!!
ReplyDeleteI love the song by Lauren Daggle "Trust In You" Every lyric speaks to our plans versus God's plan. Chad and you are an example of trusting God. God promises He will never leave us or foresake us. I trust in God's promises. There are layers to God's word, so keep peeling back for an understanding and strength. I say keep peeling as I see you are digging deeper into the layers. It is an awesome sight for me. God's love for us is unconditional. I love you.
ReplyDelete