As I have studied more and more in God's Word, I have realized that I have made a lot of wrong assumptions. Thank you, God for the endurance you've given me to continue to study. I've realized that my life's purpose is that, when I get to heaven, God says "Well done, good and faithful servant" Matthew 25:23. This scripture has brought my day-to-day and my big picture goals into focus. But, I continue to struggle with so much.
One of my biggest sins is pride. Pride festers at the root of a lot of the things that I do wrong. So, God wants me to serve, but He also wants me to humble myself. Wow, I didn't realize that sometimes, in my heart, that is a contradiction. If my heart is impure and focusing on how great my service is, then I am not doing what I am called to do at all. Here is the biggest issue and hits home right now particularly: if I want to serve and do not want to be served, then I am being proud.
We are in the position right now where we need to accept help from others. I don't know about you, but I suspect you have struggled with this too. Isn't it human nature that we want the joy of helping others, but we are often embarrassed or ashamed to let others help us? We have so many wonderful and generous people pouring out their love on us. God has blessed us with an amazing family of support. I am so thankful. Through it all, pride wants to steal my joy. Every gift, card, donation that comes our way calls to me to want to somehow return the favor. This is our culture, isn't it? My heart gets overwhelmed with the love from these friends and family members, but it also gets anxious about how I am going to show each of them how much this means to us.
God's design is not to pay back. There is no way that I can pay Jesus back for his sacrifice on the cross. Grace is freely given by God because He loves us.
Sometimes I am the person who gives, sometimes I am the person who receives. This is God's plan for His children. Why am I more comfortable in the giving role? Is it because of pride and self-centeredness, which is at the root of most of our sins? Yes, it is more blessed to give than to receive, but I don't think God means the joy to come from my position on top of my high horse. We are in the season where many things call to our attention to donate money or food for families struggling right now. I pray that God examines my heart and that my contributions come from a pure place, full of love.
In some aspects of my life, I cannot help but serve joyfully. It's just the way I was made. Cooking for others brings me so much joy! God is also stretching me beyond my comfort zone and calling me to connect with . . .duh, duh, duh . . . strangers!! What?! STRANGER DANGER! Well, He is showing me that I can do more good for more people when I step outside of my day-to-day and do the unthinkable--->talk to someone I don't know! Wow! If you know me, then you know I have always been an introvert, content to observe. I usually stay pretty quiet until I have met you probably 4-5 times and gotten comfortable with who you are.
I could be happy as a clam staying home, cleaning the house, taking Lincoln out on play dates with my already-made friends and lah-de-dahing through life. But, then I have to think about what my purpose is. I have to think what do I want to hear when my days on earth are done. Who am I serving when I am sitting comfy at home? "Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required" Luke 12:48. God has given myself and my family so much, so much hope, encouragement, and so much insight into who God is because of how He has blessed us. It's my duty to humble myself and serve others by connecting to them in their lives and offering hope and encouragement where I can. I am still amazed that God has brought me this far and continues to stretch me. Thank You, God!
Where is God calling you to serve? Does it make you uncomfortable. I think it probably should a little. Are you like me? Is your first instinct is to keep a record of who has done good things for you so that you can pay them back? Don't misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with a thank-you note or phone call saying how appreciative you are, but I know I have to examine my heart to see where the desire is coming from. Is it to serve them? Or to serve myself and my conscience? I know I have to keep a constant watch on my intentions and thoughts.
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