I'm sorry, but we cannot be perfect.

Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night to potty and think about all of the things that need to be taken care of? Or try to work out all of the little problems in life while simultaneously trying to fall back asleep? I know you do, so don't try to hide it. 

Thanks floatuniverse.com

Don't look at me for a solution! I just wanted to talk about it. I think this anxiety comes from us trying to handle it all, right? I think I can be in control of everything and I take the responsibility if things are coming together or falling apart. This is not healthy, I know that. This picture is supposed to be ridiculous, but I think I've probably had this exact thought in the middle of the night and gone down every avenue of possibilities about what could happen if we continued to eat the GMO salmon and what I was going to do to fix it. Then, in the real morning, after waking up and having a cup of coffee, I laugh at how ridiculous my thoughts were at 3 am. You know, that's the worst time to think--between 3 and 4 and in the morning. Do yourself a favor and turn off your thoughts at that time. 

So, I do have a couple of techniques I've learned and I am trying to practice. One is a visual cutting of the train of thought: picture big scissors that just cut through whatever downward spiral of thoughts are going on in my mind. I say to myself "Stop, you are being ridiculous. There is nothing you can do about this right now" or I say to myself, "You're spiraling, stop." Cut! And do you know, it actually works?! I have never been one for mental visuals before, but they work. I test it by trying to get back on that train of thought, but it usually has moved on without me. 

Another technique that is new to me and I don't have much experience with is taking a quiet hour each week and writing down all of the concerns in my head: all of the things that need to be done, all of the random things I think I can control, and I think this would work at any time, once a week or everyday. So, maybe even 20 minutes each day. Then, take the things that are "To dos" and find a place in my schedule to put them. That way, I know they will get done and I don't have to continue to process them over and over again. Like I said, this is very new to me, so I can't say how it is working out in my life yet. I am marinading over how to make it work for me. This quiet time can be hard to come by.

The point is, we think we can control everything and God tells us to give it up to Him. 

"When I thought, 'My foot slips,'

Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, 

Your consolations cheer my soul." Psalm 94:18-19

There are so many more passages in the Bible that assure us that God can handle our worries. What I like about this one is that it even says that when "my foot slips," God is there to hold me up. My foot slips all the time. I make a mistake, a wrong turn, and I can turn to God to correct where I've gone wrong. 

Anyone else out there a perfectionist at heart? I think that if I make a wrong turn then I deserve whatever happens from that. It has taken me some time to realize that God doesn't see it that way. He is my Father and He can get me back on track. He doesn't count my wrongs and tally them against all that I am doing right. Isn't that amazing?! He carries me through it all! He walks with us through our big mistakes and our day-to-day decisions. 

I am so excited because today Linc and I get to go see Chad. We have been away for a little over a week and we get to go down and spend a whole week with him, enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday. I know it will be refreshing for both of us. We are, of course, very anxious to get new lungs and get back to living as a family together, but my heart continues to look to God for trust in His plan. Again, I know I would mess this all up if I were in charge. I know I can't handle the anxiety it causes if I were to try to control this. I'm happy to put it in His hands and be relieved that He knows everything and has our best at heart. So, we continue to walk as children in faith, enjoying all that He has given us right now.