Hey. How are you doing? I am glad to have a few minutes to share with you. Where have I been since the last post? I won't pretend I'm going to explore where I'm going. One day at a time, one foot, then the other. That's where I am, and I have been for six (plus) months now.
This Thanksgiving sucks. I am going through the motions for the children, but my mind is constantly on Chad. I just hung our stockings. And I couldn't bear to hang his and I couldn't bear to not hang his. So, I decided to hang it and cry about how terrible it all is.
But, in spite of it all, I can be thankful. I still have so much. My arms are full of children and blessings upon blessings. So much love and provision. I'm thankful that in the midst of this, God speaks in a way that I can understand. He gently leads me forward. He doesn't rush me, but walks with me patiently reminding me what it's all about. Or at least, trying to show me what it's all about.
Sometimes, when I am looking past my circumstances, I can see that this circumstance is so much bigger than me and bigger than Chad. And this is true for all of our circumstances. There's so much more than what we can see and understand in all of it.
I get overwhelmed when I think about how many people are living on the earth and I feel small and hopeless when I think of my little life and how seemingly meaningless it is. But, God reminds me that he is able to work in each of our lives independently and personally. He is Creator of all of it, big and small. He is sovereign over each and every cell and atom, as well as the galaxies and universe. And this takes my breath away. The sunrise is His and the sunset, every leaf falling from the tree, every full breath. And He is faithful and can be trusted.
I am learning so much from this experience, priceless wisdom. God is showing me so much. One big one that I have known, but never fully realized until now is that we are all going to face God individually, completely and utterly alone. Isn't that terrifying? I didn't really get it until Chad was here one minute and gone the next. He was completely gone. And where did he go? All of my reasoning points to him facing our Creator. That's staggering. And then the realization that his friend and Lord and Savior was there to walk him into eternity filled my heart with love and adoration for our God who made this possible. The One who's unending love and mercy allows us to walk into His heaven and be with Him in perfect love.
Needless to say, I miss him. No more during this season than any other time, I just have more time that I am thinking about us and the things we did at this time last year and the year before, and so on. I'm reflecting on the hope that we had during this time of year again and again. His second transplant was November 12, 2010 and his third was November 24/ 25 (Thanksgiving Day) 2016. And my first thought is that the hope was lost, but I am reminded that it wasn't. God is working in all of this. We can rest and trust and work through the hard and let life be hard, because it is.
I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Hold your little people and your big people close. Enjoy all of the delicious foods, in moderation 😏. Thank you for all of your support and love. Love y'all!
This Thanksgiving sucks. I am going through the motions for the children, but my mind is constantly on Chad. I just hung our stockings. And I couldn't bear to hang his and I couldn't bear to not hang his. So, I decided to hang it and cry about how terrible it all is.
But, in spite of it all, I can be thankful. I still have so much. My arms are full of children and blessings upon blessings. So much love and provision. I'm thankful that in the midst of this, God speaks in a way that I can understand. He gently leads me forward. He doesn't rush me, but walks with me patiently reminding me what it's all about. Or at least, trying to show me what it's all about.
Sometimes, when I am looking past my circumstances, I can see that this circumstance is so much bigger than me and bigger than Chad. And this is true for all of our circumstances. There's so much more than what we can see and understand in all of it.
I get overwhelmed when I think about how many people are living on the earth and I feel small and hopeless when I think of my little life and how seemingly meaningless it is. But, God reminds me that he is able to work in each of our lives independently and personally. He is Creator of all of it, big and small. He is sovereign over each and every cell and atom, as well as the galaxies and universe. And this takes my breath away. The sunrise is His and the sunset, every leaf falling from the tree, every full breath. And He is faithful and can be trusted.
I am learning so much from this experience, priceless wisdom. God is showing me so much. One big one that I have known, but never fully realized until now is that we are all going to face God individually, completely and utterly alone. Isn't that terrifying? I didn't really get it until Chad was here one minute and gone the next. He was completely gone. And where did he go? All of my reasoning points to him facing our Creator. That's staggering. And then the realization that his friend and Lord and Savior was there to walk him into eternity filled my heart with love and adoration for our God who made this possible. The One who's unending love and mercy allows us to walk into His heaven and be with Him in perfect love.
Needless to say, I miss him. No more during this season than any other time, I just have more time that I am thinking about us and the things we did at this time last year and the year before, and so on. I'm reflecting on the hope that we had during this time of year again and again. His second transplant was November 12, 2010 and his third was November 24/ 25 (Thanksgiving Day) 2016. And my first thought is that the hope was lost, but I am reminded that it wasn't. God is working in all of this. We can rest and trust and work through the hard and let life be hard, because it is.
I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. Hold your little people and your big people close. Enjoy all of the delicious foods, in moderation 😏. Thank you for all of your support and love. Love y'all!
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