Dissatisfaction

Do you also struggle with dissatisfaction? I'm willing to bet that you do. I share this not to bring attention to me and what I'm working on, but to hopefully connect to someone who is going through the same thing. I want to pull back the curtain and show you that you're not alone.

I have spent a lot of time meditating on this discontent. Being a stay-at-home mom, I have a lot of time to think about these things. I didn't realize when this when I was working and dreaming of being at home with my children, but one of the main challenges (at least for me) in being at home is myself! My own head and the enemy working through my thoughts.

Maybe that's why I try to find some distractions to stop the conversations with myself. Here are my go-to distractions: cooking and baking (one of my faves!), the "easy" cleaning (dishes, dusting, laundry), TV (This is not often because I have a little man who has strong opinions about what's on TV and I'm soon to have a big man here who also has strong opinions also), napping (usually comes when I turn on the TV), eating--and not always unhealthy eating, but just munching to munch. There are times when I could add even this blog to my list.  As I am looking over these things, I realize many of them are not bad in themselves, but it becomes a distraction is when it's not the best use of my time.

I have two areas of life right now where I want to see more progress: my house--organization, and beautifying (Oh hey! I thought I was making that word up, but there is no red line under it! Yay for me and my vocab!), and also growth in my business. I feel frustrated when nothing is happening in these two areas. I can make excuses all day long, and I do! But, the truth is that's not helping.

I have been avoiding posting because I have felt icky about what I had to say, but today God gave me encouragement to pass on to you. So, I was sitting down to do my morning reading and let me tell you, God does meet us in the everyday. My blog is useless if it's not honest, so let me tell you that I have not been feeling any power in my morning reading for the last week or so. I have been drudging through where I am in the Bible and not really feeling like God is with me in any of it, just plugging along. Thankfully, I know that this sometimes happens and it's important to keep going and keep seeking. So, here I have been morning after morning, but today was different. I did my usual reading (I'm going through the Bible from beginning to end this time and I am in Ezra), I wrote my thoughts in my journal, and then turned to my devotional: My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers. Today Chambers reminded me that God meets us in the everyday:

"We look for visions from heaven and for earth-shaking events to see God's power. Even the fact that we are dejected is proof that we do this. Yet we never realize that all the time God is at work in our everyday events and in the people around us. If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him." (Italics added by me for emphasis.)

I was reminded that--first of all--I have seen earth-shaking events in my own life. So, that's a huge blessing. And I was reminded that even though it doesn't feel like God is working and walking with me everyday, He is there. After my devotional, I picked up the book I'm reading now, Every Good Endeavor by Timothy Keller and read the chapter titled Work Becomes Fruitless. He writes that, in this fallen world, work will be fruitless at times and that doesn't mean it's time to throw in the towel on the job. God has made work as a blessing for us. It was intended to be a gift, but has become corrupted along with everything else in this world, through sin. There will be great times when I will see fruit, but often work will be me striving toward some vision or goal that remains just out of reach. While that sounds dismal, to me it was encouraging. It reminded me that I'm not on the wrong path. So, while there are times when I feel spiritually dry or ineffective in my home or business, it's not because I'm doing the wrong thing. Basically, that's just life. 

So, I don't know about you, but I'm fired up to keep truckin! And if I take time to look closely at my everyday, I can see blessings that God has put there to encourage me. Just now, my son woke up (by the way, I love the big boy bed and so does he!) Here's the cutest thing: He listens to the ocean setting on his sound machine while he sleeps, but I'll know when he's up because he'll change the ocean sound to "Twinkle Twinkle." I go in this morning to check on him and he's reading a potty book and listening to "twinkle twinkle." I'm telling you . . . the cutest!! So, the point is, there's a lot going right and I'm reminded to have an "attitude of gratitude" at these times when I realize that everything is not quite the way I want it to be, because all of it never will be.