Even though it felt like the baby would never come, he finally did!! I didn't know what to expect, being that I had never been in labor before, and let me tell you . . . it ain't no joke! Mommas, that was intense!
Who wants all the gory details?! I'm sure each and every one of you do. Well, this is my blog, so read it or don't. I was super uncomfortable on Wednesday, March 8th and even went in to be checked in the office because I was thinking I was having contractions. To my disappointment, I was having contractions, but I was not ready yet and of course they couldn't tell me when they thought I would be--I was only 1 cm at that time. I didn't realize how unpredictable the timing of the birth is! So, I went on throughout the day and was just dealing with the crampiness. I cancelled my plans to be at a business function that night because I knew I would be silent and making this face the whole time: 😑 as I worked through what I now understand to be mild contractions. As I prepared to go to bed that night, they got more intense to where sleeping was obviously impossible. I broke the news to Chad that we would not be sleeping that night; he had to get up and time my contractions. Sure enough, they started to get more consistent and intense, just like the doctor said they would. We called the hospital, called our loving friend to come stay at our house for Lincoln, and packed the car. We headed out, checked in and I was still 1 cm! I was torn between being worried they were going to send me home and wishing we had waited at home. They allowed me to labor for a couple of hours before deciding if we would stay. This was about 1:00 am on Thursday morning.
I did not have a birth plan, but I had in my mind a couple of things: I was not going to do another c-section because circumstances were different this time, and I was going to give it everything I had to have a natural birth. I was never against an epidural, but I wanted to see how far I could make it. Admittedly, for no more honorable purpose than just to know, to find my inner warrior. This plan had the added benefit of being better for baby and recovery. Overall, this was a humbling experience. I labored for several hours--mostly on the yoga ball or standing and leaning. Unfortunately, my doctor was not there when I checked in and the attending OB had me hooked up to IV fluids and the monitor immediately, so I was not able to walk very far or use the tub. By the time the IV fluids were done, I felt irritable at the thought of water touching me. I still wonder if the tub would have relaxed me more. Anyway, after a few hours, my OB came in and she told me that I was 5 cm and we were rolling! Thank heavens that the contractions were doing something! I am amazed at God's work in the creation of our bodies. In just a few more hours, I progressed to 9cm! Thank goodness this thing was underway! During the exam, she noticed that Levi was facing the wrong way--toward the left. Also, I stopped progressing past 9 cm. The contractions were getting super intense. By the way, I tried the nitrous oxide and for me it did nothing. The best thing they gave me was an IV drug called nubain during early labor and that allowed me to rest a little for a couple of hours, but I know it wouldn't have done much as labor went on. The hardest part for me was not pushing when I was 9 cm and all I wanted to do was push. Contractions were super intense through my abdomen and back and one on top of the other. The nurse said it would at least be another hour and they were going to use pitocin. I knew this meant more intense and longer contractions. I couldn't take it anymore. I asked what our options are for pain. I was surprised to hear that I could still do an epidural, so I said "yes, please!!" They put it in while I was having what seemed to be constant contractions. Then, everything slowed down . . . the pain was gone, but the wait had just begun.
We waited for several more hours to get to 10 cm. By that time, we knew for sure that Levi was facing the wrong way and couldn't be delivered like that. We tried moving him by me getting into different positions and pushing. I felt like nothing was happening, but it turns out he did make it down into the birth canal. He was actually bumping his head against my pelvis and it left a bruise on his little head 😢. They tried to turn him from there, but his heart rate kept dropping. That was the scariest part--a couple of times doctors would rush in and I knew something was wrong. Even they looked concerned. At that point, I had given up on what I thought the birth would be and succumbed what turned out to be the best plan for a healthy baby. A c-section was the only option. They pumped up the epidural and we were on our way. He was born at 8:48 on Thursday, March 9 and in spite of it all is one of the happiest days of my life. God is so good.
I remember with Lincoln that I had this period of time after the delivery where I felt sad about what I thought should have happened at the birth. I think post-partum hormones play a huge part in this. I replayed the day in my head over and over and tried to think about what should or could have been different. What I should have done differently. All of the doctors were amazing and assured me that there was no other way. In the end, this is what was going to happen. I wondered if I hadn't done the epidural if things would have turned out better, but I know in my logical mind that they wouldn't have.
Pregnancy hormones are nuts, y'all, but I have, with both boys, been more affected by the post-partum hormones. They rush on like a stampede and I feel like an open wound. Everything on Facebook or in the news is devastating. My heart stays pretty heavy, and all of life feels so huge. Coming home has been great, but it's also been an adjustment. My little man is a big boy now and that's obvious next to my teeny baby. I remember bringing Lincoln home and the memories just flood my eyes. There is no reason to be sad, but it seems to just kind of hang around. I know I am not alone with this one.
This melancholy after delivery is common to most mommas, so I take comfort in that. But, I have found the most comfort in remembering that God knows these trials and He is holding on to me through this. I am weak and He is strong. He loves me and he loves this family. You know the enemy attacks when we are weak. Doubt tries to step in and tell me all kinds of worrisome things about the future of my family, but God reminds me of His promises:
" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11
God is never going to leave us. He also assures me that I don't need to worry about tomorrow. I think about my babies not being babies anymore and it makes me sad, but I know that this is fueled mostly by hormones. When I am in my right mind, I love every age and stage more than the last. These are amazing blessings that God has given us. When I feel like we have gotten in over our heads, God reminds me that He does not make mistakes and He will provide for all of our needs. We have asked for a lot and God continues to provide. I am reminded that it is all for His glory and not my own. I cannot hold on to these blessings forever and find my sole security and joy in them.
We came home yesterday, March 13th which was my predicted due date. I thought that was a fun little coincidence. When we got home, Lincoln met Levi and immediately showed him love. He shared his Thomas and wanted to hold and kiss him. He keeps saying "He came out of your belly!" I'm amazed he even thinks to say that. Of course, my child is a genius! We are off to a great start and loving time together as a family.
Who wants all the gory details?! I'm sure each and every one of you do. Well, this is my blog, so read it or don't. I was super uncomfortable on Wednesday, March 8th and even went in to be checked in the office because I was thinking I was having contractions. To my disappointment, I was having contractions, but I was not ready yet and of course they couldn't tell me when they thought I would be--I was only 1 cm at that time. I didn't realize how unpredictable the timing of the birth is! So, I went on throughout the day and was just dealing with the crampiness. I cancelled my plans to be at a business function that night because I knew I would be silent and making this face the whole time: 😑 as I worked through what I now understand to be mild contractions. As I prepared to go to bed that night, they got more intense to where sleeping was obviously impossible. I broke the news to Chad that we would not be sleeping that night; he had to get up and time my contractions. Sure enough, they started to get more consistent and intense, just like the doctor said they would. We called the hospital, called our loving friend to come stay at our house for Lincoln, and packed the car. We headed out, checked in and I was still 1 cm! I was torn between being worried they were going to send me home and wishing we had waited at home. They allowed me to labor for a couple of hours before deciding if we would stay. This was about 1:00 am on Thursday morning.
I did not have a birth plan, but I had in my mind a couple of things: I was not going to do another c-section because circumstances were different this time, and I was going to give it everything I had to have a natural birth. I was never against an epidural, but I wanted to see how far I could make it. Admittedly, for no more honorable purpose than just to know, to find my inner warrior. This plan had the added benefit of being better for baby and recovery. Overall, this was a humbling experience. I labored for several hours--mostly on the yoga ball or standing and leaning. Unfortunately, my doctor was not there when I checked in and the attending OB had me hooked up to IV fluids and the monitor immediately, so I was not able to walk very far or use the tub. By the time the IV fluids were done, I felt irritable at the thought of water touching me. I still wonder if the tub would have relaxed me more. Anyway, after a few hours, my OB came in and she told me that I was 5 cm and we were rolling! Thank heavens that the contractions were doing something! I am amazed at God's work in the creation of our bodies. In just a few more hours, I progressed to 9cm! Thank goodness this thing was underway! During the exam, she noticed that Levi was facing the wrong way--toward the left. Also, I stopped progressing past 9 cm. The contractions were getting super intense. By the way, I tried the nitrous oxide and for me it did nothing. The best thing they gave me was an IV drug called nubain during early labor and that allowed me to rest a little for a couple of hours, but I know it wouldn't have done much as labor went on. The hardest part for me was not pushing when I was 9 cm and all I wanted to do was push. Contractions were super intense through my abdomen and back and one on top of the other. The nurse said it would at least be another hour and they were going to use pitocin. I knew this meant more intense and longer contractions. I couldn't take it anymore. I asked what our options are for pain. I was surprised to hear that I could still do an epidural, so I said "yes, please!!" They put it in while I was having what seemed to be constant contractions. Then, everything slowed down . . . the pain was gone, but the wait had just begun.
We waited for several more hours to get to 10 cm. By that time, we knew for sure that Levi was facing the wrong way and couldn't be delivered like that. We tried moving him by me getting into different positions and pushing. I felt like nothing was happening, but it turns out he did make it down into the birth canal. He was actually bumping his head against my pelvis and it left a bruise on his little head 😢. They tried to turn him from there, but his heart rate kept dropping. That was the scariest part--a couple of times doctors would rush in and I knew something was wrong. Even they looked concerned. At that point, I had given up on what I thought the birth would be and succumbed what turned out to be the best plan for a healthy baby. A c-section was the only option. They pumped up the epidural and we were on our way. He was born at 8:48 on Thursday, March 9 and in spite of it all is one of the happiest days of my life. God is so good.
I remember with Lincoln that I had this period of time after the delivery where I felt sad about what I thought should have happened at the birth. I think post-partum hormones play a huge part in this. I replayed the day in my head over and over and tried to think about what should or could have been different. What I should have done differently. All of the doctors were amazing and assured me that there was no other way. In the end, this is what was going to happen. I wondered if I hadn't done the epidural if things would have turned out better, but I know in my logical mind that they wouldn't have.
Pregnancy hormones are nuts, y'all, but I have, with both boys, been more affected by the post-partum hormones. They rush on like a stampede and I feel like an open wound. Everything on Facebook or in the news is devastating. My heart stays pretty heavy, and all of life feels so huge. Coming home has been great, but it's also been an adjustment. My little man is a big boy now and that's obvious next to my teeny baby. I remember bringing Lincoln home and the memories just flood my eyes. There is no reason to be sad, but it seems to just kind of hang around. I know I am not alone with this one.
This melancholy after delivery is common to most mommas, so I take comfort in that. But, I have found the most comfort in remembering that God knows these trials and He is holding on to me through this. I am weak and He is strong. He loves me and he loves this family. You know the enemy attacks when we are weak. Doubt tries to step in and tell me all kinds of worrisome things about the future of my family, but God reminds me of His promises:
" For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11
God is never going to leave us. He also assures me that I don't need to worry about tomorrow. I think about my babies not being babies anymore and it makes me sad, but I know that this is fueled mostly by hormones. When I am in my right mind, I love every age and stage more than the last. These are amazing blessings that God has given us. When I feel like we have gotten in over our heads, God reminds me that He does not make mistakes and He will provide for all of our needs. We have asked for a lot and God continues to provide. I am reminded that it is all for His glory and not my own. I cannot hold on to these blessings forever and find my sole security and joy in them.
We came home yesterday, March 13th which was my predicted due date. I thought that was a fun little coincidence. When we got home, Lincoln met Levi and immediately showed him love. He shared his Thomas and wanted to hold and kiss him. He keeps saying "He came out of your belly!" I'm amazed he even thinks to say that. Of course, my child is a genius! We are off to a great start and loving time together as a family.
So thrilled for you all! Praying the melancholy blues will pass quickly...hope to see you guys soon! Much love and congratulations!
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