I made an unspoken promise to myself that I would keep you updated at least weekly. I checked the date on my last post and it has almost been a month!! You have the right to call me out on that. You deserve my time too! "Oh, Lauren, you just had a baby!" Thank you for understanding! (Is this a sign of insanity? I am having a conversation with myself on my blog.) The main obstacle has been having two hands to type on the keyboard and a brain that isn't full of mushy fog. Levi is sleeping in this morning and I am going for it! Update: I've been writing this blog for a week now! Maybe more? It has been enough time for my nails to grow back to a length that's a little too long for me to type comfortably. I have just added bit by bit whenever I have two hands and a quiet moment. I think I'm finishing this this time.
My heart is full of gratitude tonight. It could be the fact that grandma came and took care of the babies while Chad rested after a Duke day (Thanks again, Ma!). It could be this sleeping baby next to me. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had the TV on at all today. It's likely to be all of these and more. But, I am most grateful for this glass of wine . . . no, that's not the right answer, it's the quiet moment that I have stepped into. Cue the crying baby . . . now as I rock the rock-n-play with one foot, I can still work on the blog!
The lens of gratitude changes everything, doesn't it? As I held my youngest tonight while he was crying, and I gently and rhythmically smacked his tiny bottom, I thought of him as more precious than gold. I remembered that he is a gift that I never even dared ask for. Don't get me wrong, there are many times where I am struggling and I am frustrated and I am impatient. "What is wrong?! Why won't this baby stop crying?! I just want to eat a snack with both hands and then take a nap without a tiny person on me!!" But, not in this moment. I was thankful for even the wailing and the tears and the kicking feet. And that was a much happier place to be.
This state of mind is not something that can be conjured up out of my own will. Believe me, I have tried and tried!! It is a gift from heaven. I have prayed for many months for God to fill my heart with joy that surpassed my circumstances. I prayed this prayer when I have been up at night, when I have been frustrated with the disarray of my house, when I have been stressed about money, and many many other times. Also, purely coincidentally--when I have been given a moment in the mornings--I have been reading Job. And this book has challenged me. Why would God be so seemingly careless about a man's life and basically use him as an example to the devil? I have a lot more to learn about Job; I know that's not a complete understanding. God has been speaking to me through all of this and lined this all up without me even realizing it.
I also have to make a confession. I have spent too too much time on the internet and watching TV. So much on the internet and TV is destructive and heart-wrenching and fear-mongering. It's overwhelming! I don't know about you other moms, but I am very sensitive to these things. There are dark, and thankfully fleeting, moments when I feel like I am going to be like Job and all of the things that I read could happen will happen and everything will be taken from me. (Whoa, I spoke that--typed that--without ever having verbalized it or realized it before. Blogging is therapy.) As the moment passes, I am reminded that God loves me and holds me tenderly in His hands. I love the visual that this scripture paints. It comforts me:
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17
So, instead of giving in to, and indulging in, these destructive forces, Chad and I have started to take more and more of our TV time and devote it to other things: crossword puzzles, reading, housework. It's amazing how much more time and clarity you have when the TV isn't on. We have needed this after being down at Duke and in and out of the hospital. The TV will drag you in! I'm also choosing to spend less time scrolling Facebook. I would say that only about 25% of what's on there is worth my time. That might even be a bit generous.
When I'm avoiding housework, I'm usually not watching TV, I'm piddling in the kitchen. The kitchen is one of my favorite places to be and I love to try new experiments. I realized that I was spending a small fortune at Starbucks (preach it, sister!<---that's what I imagine you saying). I was always buying the vanilla sweet cream cold brew. So, this week, I made my own cold brew (something I've done a couple of times before), but this time I also made my own vanilla sweet cream!! Let me tell you! It is almost just like Starbucks and I don't find myself wanting to go there everyday. For those of you with the same weakness: Cold brew coffee recipe here (I recommend a dark roast. Aldi has a good one), sweet cream here. Now, the cream is not the healthiest, but you are in control of what goes in it when you make your own. I plan to try a dairy-free version with a better sugar in the future, but it is very tasty as is!
That's all I have to offer you tonight. I've enjoyed catching up and now it's time to go to bed. If you decide to also cut your Facebook time, just make sure you get back on enough to find my blog updates. 😉
The lens of gratitude changes everything, doesn't it? As I held my youngest tonight while he was crying, and I gently and rhythmically smacked his tiny bottom, I thought of him as more precious than gold. I remembered that he is a gift that I never even dared ask for. Don't get me wrong, there are many times where I am struggling and I am frustrated and I am impatient. "What is wrong?! Why won't this baby stop crying?! I just want to eat a snack with both hands and then take a nap without a tiny person on me!!" But, not in this moment. I was thankful for even the wailing and the tears and the kicking feet. And that was a much happier place to be.
This state of mind is not something that can be conjured up out of my own will. Believe me, I have tried and tried!! It is a gift from heaven. I have prayed for many months for God to fill my heart with joy that surpassed my circumstances. I prayed this prayer when I have been up at night, when I have been frustrated with the disarray of my house, when I have been stressed about money, and many many other times. Also, purely coincidentally--when I have been given a moment in the mornings--I have been reading Job. And this book has challenged me. Why would God be so seemingly careless about a man's life and basically use him as an example to the devil? I have a lot more to learn about Job; I know that's not a complete understanding. God has been speaking to me through all of this and lined this all up without me even realizing it.
I also have to make a confession. I have spent too too much time on the internet and watching TV. So much on the internet and TV is destructive and heart-wrenching and fear-mongering. It's overwhelming! I don't know about you other moms, but I am very sensitive to these things. There are dark, and thankfully fleeting, moments when I feel like I am going to be like Job and all of the things that I read could happen will happen and everything will be taken from me. (Whoa, I spoke that--typed that--without ever having verbalized it or realized it before. Blogging is therapy.) As the moment passes, I am reminded that God loves me and holds me tenderly in His hands. I love the visual that this scripture paints. It comforts me:
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zephaniah 3:17
So, instead of giving in to, and indulging in, these destructive forces, Chad and I have started to take more and more of our TV time and devote it to other things: crossword puzzles, reading, housework. It's amazing how much more time and clarity you have when the TV isn't on. We have needed this after being down at Duke and in and out of the hospital. The TV will drag you in! I'm also choosing to spend less time scrolling Facebook. I would say that only about 25% of what's on there is worth my time. That might even be a bit generous.
When I'm avoiding housework, I'm usually not watching TV, I'm piddling in the kitchen. The kitchen is one of my favorite places to be and I love to try new experiments. I realized that I was spending a small fortune at Starbucks (preach it, sister!<---that's what I imagine you saying). I was always buying the vanilla sweet cream cold brew. So, this week, I made my own cold brew (something I've done a couple of times before), but this time I also made my own vanilla sweet cream!! Let me tell you! It is almost just like Starbucks and I don't find myself wanting to go there everyday. For those of you with the same weakness: Cold brew coffee recipe here (I recommend a dark roast. Aldi has a good one), sweet cream here. Now, the cream is not the healthiest, but you are in control of what goes in it when you make your own. I plan to try a dairy-free version with a better sugar in the future, but it is very tasty as is!
That's all I have to offer you tonight. I've enjoyed catching up and now it's time to go to bed. If you decide to also cut your Facebook time, just make sure you get back on enough to find my blog updates. 😉
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