I wanted to sleep in, but I felt God urging me to get up. I wasn't so very tired that getting up would have been a waste of time. There are mornings when I decide to get up anyway, searching for that alone time with God and with my to-dos, but end up face down in my Bible, coffee teetering on my lap because I'm just too tired. I've decided to listen to my body and rest in the morning when it's very much needed. But, today I was reminded of something a friend of mine said at a retreat last year around this time: when we decide to sleep in, or eat the junk, or whatever it is for momentary pleasure, we are saying "no" to the really good thing that's the not-so-easy choice. It's from a book, but I cannot remember the title, so I apologize. If you know this book, please comment! I think it's one I want to read!
So, today I chose to get up before the children. Levi slept last night!! He was up at midnight and then at 5, but I am counting that as a WIN! That, plus my big cup of coffee has me pumped for the day! I have had this entry on my heart and even though I just touched base with y'all a couple of days ago, I'm ready to share more.
Unfortunately, my heart has been in all the wrong places this week. I have been irritable, rushed, and feeling like a failure. I am on both sides of the same coin: I rush around trying to get a ton done (usually get nothing done) and then I decide I need to retreat into wasting time--wandering around a store or vegging out. And none of this makes me feel any better, by the way.
I am a textbook introvert, so I analyze my own actions to a pulp. Today, I'm glad I do! But, oftentimes this analysis bounces around in my head like a pinball. This time, I recorded my ideas in my "notes" section on my phone, so at least the pinball had a place to go and I had some ideas I could come back to.
My pinball lately has been about satisfaction. How is it that I can get all of my chores done, everything as it should be, and still be annoyed or irritated? At the end of the day, I find myself thinking about tomorrow and feeling utterly exhausted at the thought that everything has to be done again. And that's on a good day! It's even worse when everything is not done (which is often the case). I beat myself up for going out and doing something outside of my to-do list. I am discouraged when I realize I haven't been to the gym or started on a project at home I've wanted to do, or let some minor task slip through the cracks (make appointments, walk the dogs, pick up the poo). Enter running my own business and you can imagine the guilt that I have piled on myself.
God brought it to my attention that I am looking for relief and joy in a place where it will never be. My worldly mind wants me to believe that when the house is clean, my business is growing, my kids are behaving, (and on and on), that's when I will be happy and can rest. So, I strive and run around trying to get it all done so that I can finally feel satisfied. Am I talking to anyone else out there? We try to do 100 things and then 100 more pop up. The worst game of wack-a-mole ever! I could go crazy trying to get it all done in a day.
Guilt is a tool used to break us down. Here is how it's working in my life at times and I know I'm not alone. Comparison goes hand in hand with guilt--this is a big time enemy and struggle for me. Doesn't it make it that much worse when we have Facebook?! I feel all the more guilty when I see other moms seemingly doing exactly what I wish I could be doing. Here's what we all know: our lives are our own. They are different and we each have strengths that the other doesn't. Where one mom is nailing it, another is not and vice versa. I know this too! But at my weakest, it's one more punch.
There will sometimes be glimpses when everything is aligned. When I feel great because it's all going according to what I have planned, but that is fleeting. The morning comes and the toys come back out, date night comes to an end, "me time" comes to an end, then where am I? If I am not grounded in God, then I am stressed all over again, riding that roller coaster, frantically seeking another moment of peace.
David writes in Psalm 57 about real, physical danger, but I think this is applicable to this topic also:
1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
2 I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
3 He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!
"Storms of destruction" and "tramples" are great ways to describe what happens when the shortcomings start piling on my heart. In those moments, I'm reminded that I can call out to God who is never weary. His unending love, patience, and forgiveness is available to me: "God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!" Instead of striving on my own for my satisfaction, I am successful when I tune into Him and seek His satisfaction. We have this love and patience available to us at any time because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Thank you, God!
I pray that you are able to rest in the moments of chaos today. We cannot stop them from happening, but we can choose to respond with calm and peace and understanding. I pray that you can get done what is on God's to-do list for you and stop listening to the voices of comparison and guilt.
Thanks for reading this morning, love y'all!!
So, today I chose to get up before the children. Levi slept last night!! He was up at midnight and then at 5, but I am counting that as a WIN! That, plus my big cup of coffee has me pumped for the day! I have had this entry on my heart and even though I just touched base with y'all a couple of days ago, I'm ready to share more.
Unfortunately, my heart has been in all the wrong places this week. I have been irritable, rushed, and feeling like a failure. I am on both sides of the same coin: I rush around trying to get a ton done (usually get nothing done) and then I decide I need to retreat into wasting time--wandering around a store or vegging out. And none of this makes me feel any better, by the way.
I am a textbook introvert, so I analyze my own actions to a pulp. Today, I'm glad I do! But, oftentimes this analysis bounces around in my head like a pinball. This time, I recorded my ideas in my "notes" section on my phone, so at least the pinball had a place to go and I had some ideas I could come back to.
My pinball lately has been about satisfaction. How is it that I can get all of my chores done, everything as it should be, and still be annoyed or irritated? At the end of the day, I find myself thinking about tomorrow and feeling utterly exhausted at the thought that everything has to be done again. And that's on a good day! It's even worse when everything is not done (which is often the case). I beat myself up for going out and doing something outside of my to-do list. I am discouraged when I realize I haven't been to the gym or started on a project at home I've wanted to do, or let some minor task slip through the cracks (make appointments, walk the dogs, pick up the poo). Enter running my own business and you can imagine the guilt that I have piled on myself.
God brought it to my attention that I am looking for relief and joy in a place where it will never be. My worldly mind wants me to believe that when the house is clean, my business is growing, my kids are behaving, (and on and on), that's when I will be happy and can rest. So, I strive and run around trying to get it all done so that I can finally feel satisfied. Am I talking to anyone else out there? We try to do 100 things and then 100 more pop up. The worst game of wack-a-mole ever! I could go crazy trying to get it all done in a day.
Guilt is a tool used to break us down. Here is how it's working in my life at times and I know I'm not alone. Comparison goes hand in hand with guilt--this is a big time enemy and struggle for me. Doesn't it make it that much worse when we have Facebook?! I feel all the more guilty when I see other moms seemingly doing exactly what I wish I could be doing. Here's what we all know: our lives are our own. They are different and we each have strengths that the other doesn't. Where one mom is nailing it, another is not and vice versa. I know this too! But at my weakest, it's one more punch.
There will sometimes be glimpses when everything is aligned. When I feel great because it's all going according to what I have planned, but that is fleeting. The morning comes and the toys come back out, date night comes to an end, "me time" comes to an end, then where am I? If I am not grounded in God, then I am stressed all over again, riding that roller coaster, frantically seeking another moment of peace.
David writes in Psalm 57 about real, physical danger, but I think this is applicable to this topic also:
1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
2 I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
3 He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!
"Storms of destruction" and "tramples" are great ways to describe what happens when the shortcomings start piling on my heart. In those moments, I'm reminded that I can call out to God who is never weary. His unending love, patience, and forgiveness is available to me: "God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!" Instead of striving on my own for my satisfaction, I am successful when I tune into Him and seek His satisfaction. We have this love and patience available to us at any time because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Thank you, God!
I pray that you are able to rest in the moments of chaos today. We cannot stop them from happening, but we can choose to respond with calm and peace and understanding. I pray that you can get done what is on God's to-do list for you and stop listening to the voices of comparison and guilt.
Thanks for reading this morning, love y'all!!
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