Fear steals

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy."

Lies, coming from my own mind, have stolen so much. Fear is a powerful weapon of the devil, taking precious moments from us through worry, doubt, and anxiety. You may not believe in "the devil," but can't we all agree there is a powerful force of evil in this world? It's clearly seen in the atrocities that we commit on one another, but it can also be very subtle, affecting our everyday decisions.

For so long, I have played the "what ifs" of our future in my mind. That's not where God wants us to be, but I have been stubbornly trying to figure out every eventuality. Unfortunately, the most optimistic scenario rarely showed up on the movie reels of my mind. Isn't that the case with us? Tending to focus on the negative?

I don't think I have the strength to write this entry, but I am going to power through for you and me. I am weakened by my circumstances, and the loop in my mind about the unfairness of it all continues to punch me in the gut. So much time has been spent thinking about the unknowable future, worrying about illness creeping in and taking my family, and now it is happening.

As of a few weeks ago, the doctors confirmed our worst fears: Chad is in chronic rejection and there is nothing left for them to do. They have provided us with comfort measures for him to be home with us as long as possible. We have been working with a hospice team that is amazing and I am so thankful for them. Overall, this has been a very humbling and sobering experience.

God doesn't leave us without hope. He is a loving and merciful Father We have hope in His ability to heal Chad right now, and we keep praying for that. We also have the hope of heaven, knowing that whoever trusts in Jesus will have everlasting life. Does that make the day-to-day any easier? Sometimes. What provides me with comfort is knowing that Chad will ultimately be healed in heaven. No more sickness, no supplemental oxygen, medicines, hospital trips. Completely healed, strong, full of joy and energy!

We know that God is good because, not only does the Bible give us example after example of His goodness, but also because we have seen it in our own lives. This knowledge allows our minds to rest in our circumstances--after we silence the voice that wants to steal our joy and remember that God is with us. So, when everything is going to %$#@, we can trust that our circumstances are in His hands and He loves us. We don't understand why He would allow this, but this is just a small blip of things that we don't understand in the grand scheme of life.

I am thankful for the loving people who surround us continuously. Everyone has been so amazing, offering to help with whatever we need. We are living day-to-day, so it's not until the day before or day of that I realize what we need. Thank all of you for being there and understanding.

I am thankful that our boys don't fully understand what's happening at a level that will cause them sadness. Linc is a little confused about Daddy's circumstances, but we have been trying to explain as best as we can. Hospice will also come and help us have those conversations.

While I constantly wish things were different, I can cut off that train of thought and deal with what is. If it is God's will to take him, we have time now that a lot of people who have lost a loved one did not get, so I am thankful for that also.

And, above all, I am thankful for hope. Hope for a new day tomorrow, and hope for a bright and healed future for Chad.

Thank you for spending a little time in my story. Love y'all!

Fear is a liar--great song!