God is for us

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:31-32

I have held tight to these verses in the last few weeks. They showed up on my Bible app while we were at the Community Hospice House on (I think) Friday before Chad passed away. And they have been appearing off and on in my life since then--on the radio, reminders from friends. I have not been getting my quiet time in like I used to, not since Chad has been very sick, but I love that God still reaches down and grabs me even when I'm not reaching up to Him. 

What peace these words have given me. I remember vividly sitting on the banquet in the hospice room and watching Chad's struggling breath rise and fall while he slept. I started to let the negative thoughts swirl in my mind and suddenly they were silenced by these verses. My simple mind would think, "How is this God for me? My husband is dying in this room and there seems to be no way to help him." But, as I thought more and remembered how deep God's love for me goes---He did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for me and for Chad, and for Pat and Stu, and all who believe in Him--I realized that whatever God had planned for Chad was okay. His understanding of the situation and the impact of it goes far beyond what my mind can grasp. He can be trusted.

The lung rejection couldn't match up against God's will for us. From our eyes, it seems like the sickness won. Chad passed away, what else is there? But, there is so much more and we have seen only a smidgen of what God is doing. The amazing turnout at Chad's service, the impact Chad  has had on others' lives, people who have reported to me that he has helped them in their walk with Jesus. That's what life is all about, living to the glory of God. If I hold too tightly to this world, then I am devastated by what has happened, but if I look forward to what this one circumstance has done for God's kingdom, then I am encouraged. If I think about what this journey is doing in others' spiritual lives, I can get up everyday and talk about how God is working in my life. 

I just knew that I would be in bed for weeks, unable to function. But God's grace showed me that that wasn't my story. I have two boys who need their mama and their smile brightens my day. I have the understanding that Chad was suffering in his last weeks of life. Suffering so badly that he couldn't function without drugs that made him sleep a lot. Getting up from the sofa was difficult for him. He would not want to be here like that again and thinking about that helps me have peace about where he is now. My mom has been a superhero, here to help with the kids day-in and day-out, here to talk out my thoughts, and keep my mood as lifted as possible. 

I can never have the right words to say thank you to all of you who have sent cards, love, and support in so many different ways. It has carried me and my family through this very hard time and continues to. As I am approaching everyday, it is helpful to have the little things taken care of. I have not been rushed to do anything and right now, that's just my pace. Our community of family and friends have been outstanding, a true example of how to love one another.

Thank you, Duke for recommending hospice. Bon Secours Hospice was amazing to us in the last few weeks of Chad's life. The Community Hospice House is incredible. The nurses there are full of love, truly caring for each of their patients. Another great example of God's love. 

My prayer for you is that--when you are overwhelmed by your circumstances, which I know can happen often--you consider how you are a part of God's plan. Am I talking to God and fixing my eyes on Him? Or am I letting what I can see and touch determine my emotions? What our senses tell us can be very powerful and persuasive. It's okay to be emotional, but listen to what God is telling you because if you are called to Him and accept Jesus as your Savior, then I promise that He is for you. I pray that you allow God to rule your day and your circumstances. Love y'all.